Today Dating: The Nitty Gritty

It’s insane to think I’m almost 30 and have yet to go on a “first date." Yes, you read that correctly. One relationship my entire life, beginning at age 15 all the way until age 27. And my god, how much I’d appreciate some sort of manual at this point. I am trying to change my perspective on how I view today dating because if you’re in it you have to know what I’m talking about. The fact that sex goes without question, but emotions and conversations are difficult is still nauseating. Despite that, I also have to take some accountability in it.

To be blunt, I have no idea what it means to be in an adult healthy relationship with a man. So I resort to what I know. I have struggled in my past living in this perception of myself that I have nothing to offer. And if I do it’s in the aspect all men are after. But recently I have come to terms with how I have made these choices to try to protect myself. Shielding myself in hopes of avoiding the same cycle. And the fact is, all I do is recreate it.

I meet someone I say I don’t want a relationship and just want casual and BAM. Here I am. Trying to protect myself from getting hurt. But ultimately lying to myself creating more hurt in the long run. I begin shrinking myself to accommodate what the other person wants. And the truth is I am no longer the girl from my childhood relationship. I am an adult woman who knows what she wants.

I no longer am stuck in a situation where I can’t speak my truth. I no longer have to shrink myself to be what “I think” the other person wants me to be. And more importantly I have a fuck ton to offer. So when it comes to what I want. I want to get to know someone. Someone who genuinely wants to get to know me. Who validates me and anything else is a bonus. So no. It’s not rejection. It’s we don’t align. And with that information it’s thank you, next.