Solitude to Self-Worth

Along this healing journey I have come to learn the importance of self-love and worth. I have always found that despite the work I was doing I would often feel unfulfilled. That despite the progress I made, a part of me felt like I was not growing. I was always suggested that I needed to focus on myself, without the distractions and I resisted that challenge for a long time. But when I finally stopped fighting the journey that is where some of my deepest healing took place. I used to be afraid of solitude, what I would discover if I really looked inwards. But when I sat with it long enough I have found answers I have been searching for months. I found myself there more than ever. And in those moments the question of knowing my self-worth became known.

J. Cole said, "I am tired of playing with demons because they keep inviting more." And it hit home. I realized I am the one responsible for the situations I was put in. I had to take ownership for my inability to remove myself to end the cycle. I decided to stop entertaining those who did not reciprocate my energy. Those who did not appreciate my heart and put an end to being taken advantage of. I redirected that energy into myself. Learning to sit alone and enjoying my own company. When I sat there long enough I realized that I am the only one I can control. The more I entertained these demons the more would come. It takes a lot to walk away from situations that no longer serve you. But it's more powerful when you find the courage to do so. You have the choice to simply walk away. I discovered I no longer wanted to compromise my needs for someone else’s gratification. When I prioritized others who did not reciprocate my energy I was left feeling emotionally drained and hurt. In my solitude I found my voice to value the woman I am.

In my practice of being alone I prioritized acceptance in being patient and trusting the process. I have always tried to have control over situations and ultimately jepordized what could be. As much as I love being in control, I have learned the universe is a force to be reckoned with. Just when you think you're in control reality strikes to remind you that you never are. I discovered the significance in not needing to force anything and what will be, will simply be. Because at the end of the day, if it brings me discomfort, disrespects my value, or compromises my values it costs too much.

I encourage you to embrace your solitude. Challenge yourself to discover the deepest parts of yourself. Nourish yourself with self- love. To learn to love to be alone. Take trips alone, grab a meal alone. All the things that bring you joy. Because when you begin to pour that love into yourself it makes it that much easier to never settle for anything less.

There is nothing worth more than my peace and with that, I have found my value.